A Nerd Girl Talks Divorce

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What was divorced like…?

Imagine lying in your bed one day and waking up to the sound of the T.A.R.D.I.S. You don’t believe it so you go back to sleep, because it can’t be the T.A.R.D.I.S because the T.A.R.D.I.S. isn’t real. So you close your eyes and go back to sleep. You dream about the T.A.R.D.I.S. because it’s the thing that dreams are made of.

You wake up, shower and get dressed. You walk outside and there it is, and he is standing next to it … old and new borrowed and blue…beaconing you across the threshold, you have to say, “Yes, I do, I want to be your companion, I want to see and save world with you” and with that you’re off, on your adventures in space and time. You leave your family and friends, of course you visit from time to time and holidays (especially Christmas). You leave the hopes and dreams you had “preT.A.R.D.I.S.” because, well you’re IN the T.A.R.D.I.S. now. So you dive in heart first…

Together you see the world and universe with new eyes, you are no longer the girl you used to be, you’re with Him and you’re in the T.A.R.D.I.S.…you discover new worlds together, conquer evils, slay Daleks and Cybermen… and before you know it, you’ve created new timelines, three and a half to be exact. The half, the first, that timeline was so beautiful, so perfect, it could not be contained… it imploded on itself, so you time locked it…knowing you can never go back, she will never come back to you…you will never see her again…maybe, but only in the end. You’re careful now, you know how to preserve a timeline and you take special care of the three you have, you tend to them while he continues to save the world and you understand, because YOU are his companion and more, and HE is your Doctor. You forgive him his new companions, he’s saving the world and the universe…but he NEEDS YOU, because saving the world is hard job and he should have someone to call home. So you take in the heart of the T.A.R.D.I.S.…because you are the Doctor’s wife, and you are happy.

One day he returns from saving the world, but something not quite right; your Doctor is not happy.

He speaks of drums. Drums you can’t hear. He talks about them, even in his sleep. You see his hands drumming when he thinks you aren’t looking. He thinks only of the sound of these drums and their freedom, and you don’t recognize him…he’s changed. And suddenly your timelines begin to change, not completely…but the smallest changes have the biggest effects. He isn’t the Doctor, not your Doctor, he can’t be…you can’t feel him anymore, your words, your love, your adventures, your timelines…they mean nothing to him.

Somehow, during your travels…you lost him. His hearts changed, he no longer wants to help and create, he can no longer see the point. He looked into the time vertex and saw the relentlessness with which you have to defend the things you love and the universe and could not see a why anymore. Why does he have to save the world? Or maybe, Why is he always the one saving the world? Because saving is hard work and sometimes it’s lonely work…he forgot about the love, and how easy it was when he used to save the world with you by his side. Now …he wants to master the universe, because being its Master, controlling it, it’s easier. He doesn’t have to do any heavy lifting, so Now, he calls himself the Master. The Master doesn’t have to deal with feelings or being unsure, as the master he doesn’t have be human or understand it…it’s all about him and his fear and he alone is the master of his universe.

Maybe he was the Master all along and he stole the T.A.R.D.I.S.…making all your time, your timelines, your life, your love…invalid…

Maybe, I was never married to the Doctor and he was the Master in disguise all along.

That’s what divorce was like.

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~ by Xenolinguist on October 16, 2015.

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